Tuesday, 23 October 2007

I've been thinking...

I have listened to this song by Yael Naim all day. It just makes me happy and lifts my spirits.



Sometimes I feel that moving abroad has set me back in different ways. Not to say that it hasn't made me grow and change and appreciate my life in other ways but somedays, I feel like I reverted back to being about 13, being unconfident and unsure trying to gain acceptance. Trying to integrate into a new community or new culture and meet new people is no easy process and each time you branch out and meet new people there is that same learning curve, that same test of showing people that you're worth it, that your language skills are okay, and that they don't need to talk about you like you are deaf, mute or dumb.

The problem I have during this recurrent process is that I take this all very personally and it makes me absolutely miserable. So, I'm just going to let it go. I've given hurt and anger a way to big a place in my life this past week so I'm just going to stop because I'm wasting time on people that don't matter and missing out on fun times with the people that do.

4 comments:

Samantha said...

Don't feel bad - I spent two years here taking everything personally and being miserable as a result of it! But one day, I woke up and realized that something had to change. And since it wasn't going to be France, it was going to have to be me. It took a while for me to let all of that go, but life's been a lot better since!

Emily said...

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. Being an expat is a HARD process. It's taken me awhile to feel comfortable in France too. I think we all come to some point in the experience where we just say, "Fuck it". Sometimes we reach that point after too long a period of time.

Darin and I were watching the Retour des Alpages parade a few weekends ago. We were standing next to a French couple. He and I were speaking English to each other, but after he made a phone call and spoke in good French, the couple then said to each other (at a level Darin could hear) that they need to watch what they say because we (D and I) speak French. That really pissed me off. Why would they want to talk about us? We were just enjoying the parade along with them! Maybe I was being too sensitive, but why can't we all just get along?!

nicole said...

I totally relate to those feelings...like how can I be 27 and not know how to...fill in the blank with about a million things.

Also, I find it completely hilarious that you named your blog Carte de Sejour. Laugh out loud funny!

joy suzanne said...

Oh man, it's some kind of kismet that I wound up reading your blog today! I've been here before but now I'm definitely blogrolling you. I just watched the talk with the buddhist monk about happiness and now I've listened to the Yael Naim song and read your post about how expatriating yourself can feel like regressing, emotionally... I'm really glad you posted all these things. I had a crummy day today and was feeling short on choices in terms of what I want to do with my life, what I want in order to be really happy, all because of making the decision to stay in France...

So anyway, thanks. Sometimes I need a reminder to stop flipping out and appreciate the view, instead. And go back to yoga, tout de suite. ;)